Saturday, June 15, 2013

It Can Wait.

I began today with an overwhelming list of tasked I had to complete. Oh the dreaded To Do list. I needed to beat my house back into submission, tackle the alarming pile of laundry, clean out the fridge, work on next week's menu, cook some over ripe bananas, scrub a couple of bathrooms oh and major VBS prep work since it starts Monday and I'm the director. I devised a plan where I would consume massive amounts of extra strong coffee, amp myself up with bootie shaking music and divide each hour into 50 minutes work/10 minutes break segments. Let the mental psych up begin.                                      Ready........... Set........

Oh wait, a certain someone had other ideas of how today should play out. "Mama, let's take a walk. Baby Moses wants to see Mr. Sun"

And then the internal debate begins. Do I find another way to occupy her? Perhaps foolishly attempt to engage her in some cleaning as well? Ask her to please read a book or find something else to do because Mama has so much to do right now?

Or shall I agree to said walk but make it a quick one, perhaps just to the post office and back?

I realized my list of chores is long because I now keep the other hobbits during the week which makes it so I need to accomplish a lot on the days I have off. But I mostly only agreed to keep the hobbits because I felt it was what was best for Reggie. Besides the extra money which allows us to do fun things we couldn't before there is the big bonus of having playmates to enjoy. So I'm pondering the fact that my list is long because I now work but I made that choice because I felt it was in the best interest of my child so now I don't really have time to go on a walk, but is that in her best interest? Oh the crazy thoughts that boil around in my head. In the end I decided to take a *quick* walk.

You know the kind where you sort of try to speed walk to the destination so you can quickly get back to what you 'need' to be doing.

Oh wait, a certain someone STILL had other ideas of how today should play out.

You see, apparently every flower blossom needed to be sniffed, every puddle investigated, neighbors visited. But Mama, we haven't seen the fish pond yet! Oh dear, I quickly realized this was not going to be the speedy walk I had consented to take. It seemed like the more I tried to hurry things along the slower they went. The child who runs through the yard like a wild puppy was shuffling through the gravel at a snails pace. Inside I was feeling irritated, pressured, stressed.....overwhelmed.

As I saw her truly experiencing the moment something inside me just popped like a bubble when it hits the grass. I realized that this moment in her life is so fleeting, so brief and so precious. I never wanted to look back in later years and regret not being intentional, not being available, not being present in that moment. I don't want to regret not taking that walk.

And walk we did friends, all over town. We visited neighbors, dogs and fish. We splashed in puddles, ditches and mud. Sniffed flowers and spied on birds. Slowly, intentionally, with fresh young eyes just taking in all the wonder that surrounds her in her own tiny community. We talked about how God had done such a good job making today. And the child who now usually runs ahead with the gaggle of other hobbits instead walked beside me, her tiny hand in mine. Slowly.

On that walk I found peace. No my list won't get finish, not today at least. But I realized that my chores and obligations aren't her concerns and it would be unfair to burden her with them. Being little only lasts so long. There is plenty of time later for stress, lists, chores and obligations when one is grown.

It inspired me to see how patient and gentle she was with Baby Moses and how excited the little mama was to show her baby the fish, the flowers, the trees.

And on the way home we found half of a tiny bird's egg. We thought that was pretty special too.

After our walk I put her in our bed for her nap and when I went back to check on her she was laying on the edge of my pillow reaching over with her small hand to my side of the bed as if she was reaching for me. Today I realized that I never want her to reach for me and find me not there. I want to wholly and completely mother this child. Mother her by being present, gentle, nurturing. It is with that thought that I climbed in next to her and took a nap myself.

I probably should get some house elves or something around here :)


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